There Is No Such Thing As Anger

I occasionally have people come into my office and identify their issue as "anger." How often have you heard someone say they "have an anger problem"? The truth is, the individual does not have an anger problem; they have a fear problem. Anger is a secondary emotion. It only arises when the individual first perceives some form of threat, which is rooted in fear. As many of us know, when we experience fear, we often feel anxious and enter into fight or flight mode. Anger represents the fight response in the face of anxiety.

This principle applies not only to individuals but also to much larger systems. Consider any war in human history, and you can trace the initiation of violence back to perceived threats, which induce fear. For instance, the Revolutionary War began because a group of people felt threatened by British attempts to impose restrictions on them. Hitler attempted to eradicate an entire race because his beliefs led him to perceive the Jewish population as a threat to his ideology and global dominance. Many argue that America has invaded countries for natural resources due to fear of depleting its own reserves. Similarly, politicians and powerful figures in military and government fear losing their wealth and authority, prompting decisions aimed at protecting these assets.

When examining individuals, some might argue that anger stems simply from being upset over mistreatment, injustice, or undeserved loss. Yet, these situations all involve perceived threats that trigger fear. For instance, protesters during Occupy Wall Street were driven by a desire to bridge the wealth gap, with anger stemming from fear of inadequacy, resource scarcity, or a sense of exclusion. A mother who, having lost her child, begins breaking things in her home is reacting to the fear of losing her bond with her child and failing to fulfill her instinctual drive to protect her offspring.

In daily life, our brains constantly evaluate whether we are safe and whether we belong, determining whether to activate the fight or flight response. Understanding this dynamic is crucial because managing unwanted emotional responses or behaviors requires identifying their true underlying cause. If someone struggles with anger, the solution isn't merely addressing the anger itself but delving deeper to uncover what is being threatened and whether that fear is rational. This approach allows individuals to address the core emotion and begin challenging their beliefs.

While we cannot control the myriad external events that trigger emotions and behaviors throughout our day, we can control our perspective on these events. Our perspective acts as a filter, influencing how we respond to incoming information and experiences. Therefore, it's essential to realize: you do not have an anger problem; you have a fear problem. Understanding this distinction is key to effectively managing emotions and behaviors in daily life.